What Is Sacrifice?

i was up most of the night last night with my unborn son. he was so active and would not settle down. i got so frustrated. all i wanted was to get some sleep!

there has been so many times during this pregnancy that i have been so overwhelmed with joy that i have a little one growing inside. i missed out on my previous two failed pregnancies to feel that movement and bonding with my child. and then there are times where in my selfishness, i get frustrated with sharing my body with someone else, with all the exhaustion, all the emotion, the stress. i let it engulf me and i find myself responding to people's questions of "how are you feeling" with "ready to have my body back" or "only [X amount] of weeks left!"

why do i insist on leaning on this corruption of selfishness?! it consumes me. i have even admitted (numerous times) that i am too selfish to be a mother. the sad part is, i'm so right.

i admire watching mothers and their children, sons in particular. that bond a mother and a son have is something to cherish and adore. she is his example of beauty, selflessness, love, friendship, provider. so many things that i that can't imagine someone looking towards me for those needs.

that's what "mommy" means. and in fewer terms it's so often narrowed down to: sacrifice.

this is my calling. i've known it since i was a young girl, to be a mother. to be called "mommy" to have a child reach up their arms to me and say, "hold me." to be this example of love and protection.

this is my calling to be like Christ; the truest form of sacrifice.