Living On Orange Juice

17 weeks today!

peanut is almost 5 inches from head to bum and about 4 ounces. this week my little one will be putting on some fat (bring on the donuts!) and it's hearing is developing. i'm going to pick out a few of my favorite children's books to read to it!

so i've been sick with the flu all week, and with the lack of medication one can take during pregnancy, being sick while expecting is not a fun experience. i'm finally moving past the illness, though i'm still coughing up crud (which i swear i freak the baby out every time i cough) and my voice goes in and out. yesterday i was feeling better, but took another day and did nothing but lay around and hand out at home playing video and board games with my husband. i think that really helped me gain some of my strength back, but still very weak. 

i had been getting alittle worried about the baby. i had been feeling movement at least once every day for about a week before i got sick. i felt it on monday and once on tuesday, but then wednesday on, i hadn't felt any movement. i couldn't help but think that during my flu something was going wrong with the babe.

today, daniel and i stayed in bed until about 9am, ate pancakes, watched a few episodes of 24 then he went off to his last day at the coffee shop. i looked around and was disgusted at the disarray of our little in-house apartment. all the trash cans were over flowing (90% of my used tissues), the clothes and dishes and more used tissues were everywhere, bed hadn't been made in a week, bathroom was just gross, mold growing in the coffee maker, and dust (!!) was everywhere! i think i threw-up in my mouth a bit. "it's on!" and i got busy and conquered!! i collapsed on the couch surrounded by folded clothes, very please with all that i had accomplished.

that's when i got punched!

i promise the little one socked me as hard as it could in my gut! i almost scolded it and then realized that i hadn't felt it in like 4 days, and got happy. as i was rubbing my expanding stomach smiling with pride, peanut started to show off.

moving like crazy, it must have been practicing boxing! seriously reminded me of how the cartoon boxing matches go when the opponents use the side of the ring as a sideways trampoline. back and forth-back and forth. it was quite amusing! i was thrilled and it was so worth the wait of not feeling movement for a few days to, even as i type now, i feel it just a'moving!

it's got to be the best, most comforting feeling in the world!

A Few Marbles Short

"baby brain"

usually, it's in reference to doing something completely spacey, like putting the milk away in the pantry instead of the fridge, driving 15 miles with your coffee mug on the roof of the car, or leaving the house talking on the house phone thinking it's your cell phone. (all of which i have done)

seriously since about my 7th week of being pregnant my brain has been MIA. i feel so bad for my co workers and my husband. i have lost whole conversations, can't complete my sentences, and (no offense mom) but i feel like my mother.

i was told by a few that the second trimester is better... liars.

thank you to those who are truthful in telling me that it never comes back, at least they are preparing me for the worst.

it's only fair.

168 Days To Go

i am 16 weeks today.

by looking at me in maternity clothes, it's easy to tell that i'm pregnant. i've got the little round pooch a growin'. but (like today) wearing sweat pants and a t-shirt with a throw-on jacket, i could be mistaken for eating a few too many cookies.

i can officially no longer wear my engagement ring. i smashed my hand in a door before i got married and the ring band isn't a perfect circle anymore. so when i retain water (which since everything must have salt on it, i am permanently a balloon), it is not comfortable at all to have on, let along attempting to take off without soapy water.

luckily i haven't joined my engagement and wedding bands yet. it's been something that i've been putting off. but i have always believed that procrastination is a virtue, this proves my point. if i had to take both rings off then i would be walking around with a naked ring finger and having old ladies look at me in disgust, "oh she's going to eternal damnation, getting knocked up and unwed!" so i'll wear my diamond-less ring proudly and flash that finger as i pass them little hypocritical women.

according to my little "pregnancy countdown" information book, today my little peanut has grown to the size of a large avocado (wow, i could so go for an avocado right now!) measuring about 4 1/2 inches from head to bum, and weighing in at about 3 ounces.

the more i feel the tickle of movement, the more i bond with the little one. it makes me glow with pride knowing that he/she is growing and is healthy as they swim and flip and work out these new movements of this being they are becoming.

i was reading about the different ways that a child becomes unique while being in the womb. fingerprints. did you know that fingerprints are formed by the little hands moving back and forth in the ambiotic fluid creating unique ripples in the newly made skin of their fingers and toes! so even identical twins have completely different fingerprints. that is so awesome to me!

speaking of fingers and toes, lil peanut is growing nails this week. that and taste buds! according to my recent findings, if i eat spicy foods (which is something i have not been wanting lately) the baby will taste it! also the taste buds of the tiny tongue can tell when i eat something sweet. research has shown that when the baby tastes sweetness it becomes happy. Now i've got my doubts to believe this as truth. it seems to me that most sweet things contain some amounts of caffeine, so i would think that this "happiness" researchers are referring to may be the little one being effected by caffeine.

but still, it's fun to think about the fact that as i am indulging in a sweet treat, as is my babe.

Prenatal Blues

at first i was excited to start on prenatal vitamins. i had heard how they make your hair and nails beautiful. the vitamins make you feel so healthy and add to the 'glow' of pregnancy.

now is when you input some laughter. (and read at your own risk)

of course it depends on which prenatal vitamin you choose to take. i did the run-to-the-local-store-and-grab-the-first-over-the-counter-prenatal-bottle-i-saw. but my doctor didn't like that i was taking those and gave me a prescription to take these "#1 recommended" vitamins instead.

i was also taking a prescription of progesterone, which i had to take before bed, so i just added the prenatals to my nighttime pill popping party. i had no idea the side effects of these pretty pink/purple pills.

first of all, forget what it's like to have an empty colon. i know that you don't typically think about your colon, but when it's full of crap (literally) you will think back on the days when it was free and clear. if anyone is familiar with how a deer poops, you will relate.

those of you who are voluntarily taking omega 3, know that i for one think you are completely nuts! burping tuna all day long is not my idea of feeling healthy! you may think i'm exaggerating, but there is very little exaggeration here. when you are sipping on a savory mango and strawberry smoothie and then all of a sudden have the taste of tuna fish in your mouth, you will understand.

i'm not quite sure what is sucking the moisture out of my skin; may not be the vitamins, but i didn't have the problem of dry flaky skin until i started to take them! i will seriously lotion up my face with "ultra moisturizing lotion" 3 times in the morning before i put on my make up. and still when i get to the office and look in the mirror, to my horror my face has dry flakes on my forehead and cheeks! i'll run to the bathroom and slab some more lotion on my face. this is an ongoing cycle throughout the day. i've got literal patches on my stomach and legs that will burn if i don't continually doctor them up throughout the day.

along with the dry skin, my hair has turned ultra brittle. i trim my own hair because of the length, but i can't keep up with the split ends! i now try to go 3 days without washing it so that the oils will soak in and attempt to repair the poor hairs. also going three days before i put it under the heat of a dryer... neither has seemed to do any good so far.

the one good thing about these devil pills (other than knowing that my baby is growing healthy due to them): I will say that my nails are nice and full of strength like never before. it's been fun letting them grow long and not have them chip, brake, or split in half. when i press on the tips, they don't even flex under the pressure. i could do some serious damage with these babies!

all this to say, i have set myself free.

i am back to taking the over the counter prenatals! no more tuna breath! no more deer pooping! (i still have the dry skin and hair) but i'm a much more pleasant person.

and i have to say that i do glow now.

Genesis 3:16

“to the woman He said, ‘I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.’”

i like to be prepared for what is ahead. it’s probably under being a control freak; i like to know what is expected so that i never feel caught off guard. so i did some research yesterday about what happens during labor and birth.

Oooh. so much pain in my future! i’m not a big fan of pain in any way or form, never have been. many people consider me quite wimpy actually. and as much as i can argue, push comes to shove, i have never been a believer of the phrase, “no pain, no gain.”

so reading about all the expected pain that comes with delivery of this precious child, i started to get scared.

i don’t know if i can do this? what if i pass out? what if i just don’t have the strength?

it got to the point where i was questioning why in the world God would allow something so amazing to have so much pain. sure it’s because of the first sin, but goodness!

so many times the Bible reminds us just how precious children are to God. children are a blessing! Psalm 127:3-5 “children are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from Him.”

so here is my question: how can something be a curse and a blessing at the same time? is childbirth truly a curse from God? there are some women who don’t have as much pain as others, and others who have such difficult labor. does God choose who to lay on the curse and then let others slide?

John 9:1-3 “as they went along, they saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, ‘Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?’ ‘neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.’”

perhaps God serves different purposes in different women's labors. perhaps for some women a difficult labor displays God's glory to those watching because she depended on Him to bring her through it. for other women, perhaps God allows the woman to have a painful labor to test her heart, to see if she will remain faithful to Him.

just some food for thought.

"Fluttering, Quickening, Movement"

it felt like a 'tickle' to me.

i felt it the first time in church. and to be completely honest, i didn't know if it was just a gas bubble or not. it seemed too early to be able to feel this little being move inside me. but it felt...different.

i emailed my doctor and asked her if it was too soon. she asked me what i felt. i told her. she said, "sounds like baby to me!" but that i probably wouldn't feel it again for about another week.

that friday, i was taking a 'chill-day' staying in my pj's and watching romantic movies all day (highly recommended to any woman). Lying in bed i felt that same 'tickle' low in my abdomen. I couldn't help but giggle. "hello my little one."

I poked the area where i felt the tickle. and the most amazing thing happened! i felt the tickle again!!

i caught by breath. no way. did it really poke me back?

so i poke again... and AGAIN the little being tickled back!

at this point i had tears in my eyes!  I poked again. nothing. i poked again. nothing. but i didn't care, i was so tickled with joy that i had to tell someone what had happened! I called Daniel, he laughed. i didn't feel like he truly understood my celebration.

so i called my mom. she giggled with me and enjoyed the moment of remembering with me.

"my baby played a game with me!"

it was a week and two days later that i felt the growing babe move again. but that will truly be a highlight of my first pregnancy.

12 weeks ago...

is when we found out. 

to be more exact, it's when i freaked out.

I was waiting on that time of the month to start before starting on my birth control for that month. Well the day to start my birth control was here and mother nature hadn't arived yet. So i called my doctor, she told me to take a pregnancy test.

Now to be completely honest, i had taken a few before this. I had felt pregnant for a few week, but figured it was my birth control hormones making me feel this way. Still I told my mother and best girl friend how i was feeling just so that someone knew i was feeling funky and could attempt to relate. Both of these previous tests had been negative. This proved my theory that my hormones were making me feel this way.

So back to that day, i was at work when it was suggested that i take another pregnancy test. My doctor told me to call her back after i got the results. So i called my husband and told him what was going on, asked him if he would like to be there when i took it. He felt that it was the meds (like i) so he told me to take it, and he would go ahead and drive over from his work. 

So i drove to Walgreens down the street (isn't there one or two on like every street!) and went back to my office to do the deed. I stuck the test in my jean pocket, and headed to the bathroom, mentally preparing myself for either 50% answer. 

the preparing didn't work when i got this answer.

the box says it takes 3 minutes to get an answer. Well this result was instantaneous. There was most definitely 2 pink lines staring back at me. i think i looked at it for a good 5 minutes deciding whether the one line would sink back and tell me the truth, that "Ha-ha, that was a good joke, jk!" no, it only grew more and more bold. Should have had an exclamation point on it.

i started to cry.

okay now to explain this: over the past year and a half i had had two miscarriages. These both happened within the first trimester, so i didn't have the baby bump. but that doesn't mean that i wasn't emotionally effected. With the second i started to dip into depression. it was a very difficult time for me and my husband (as he had to deal with me). about 4 weeks before this day i had started to pick up and become more me. lively and fun-loving. realizing that life must go on, and God has a bigger plan for my life.

why now?! "God, i have just gotten over these past losses, why present this opportunity for another?" i was so confused and hurt. I knew for sure that this would freak Daniel (my husband) out. We were trying to get out of his parents house and into our own home, but knew that we couldn't afford a home and a baby!

i didn't want to call him and tell him. but i picked up my phone, i called.

I was crying when i told him. He couldn't believe it! but he was happy. I was confused. but he was happy! he told me he was almost there and to wait for him outside. 

when he got there i vented just how scared i was about the loss of another child. that i didn't think i could handle it. i started to hyperventilate. but Daniel, with his soft touch and words, told me that we were going to have a baby, and nothing could be more amazing. 

I called my doctor, she rushed me in to get labs. my hormones to sustain a baby were too low (which is what we thought was the problem with the last pregnancies) i was put on the correct hormone levels the next day. 

i was only 3 weeks. this baby was a God baby. I felt pregnant before it was possible. the test was positive during the soonest it could detect. and my doctor is an angel for pulling me in ahead of others to make sure this one stuck. 

I am now 15 weeks and 4 days. there is a perfect miracle growing inside, and i couldn't be happier.