Tummy Time

30 weeks today! 10 more to go. some days it feels like its gone by so fast and others, well yeah. 

I had a difficult start of the week when Jarred stopped moving. i noticed it last sunday night, that he wasn't as active when i laid down in bed like he usually is. and then the next day i was with my mom and sisters all day, but he wasn't moving. i didn't have the feeling that something dyer was going on, but it still worried me a bit. then tuesday morning he was still not being active, so i put in a few calls and emails to my doctor (who has still yet to return either by phone or email). as i was waiting to hear back from her that morning, it was like he woke up from a long nap. he started to move around a little more. not as much as before, but enough to ease my mind some. by that night he was his usual self, mister soccer man.

i have my next appointment this monday morning, and even though he is moving like usual now (A LOT) i still feel weird. why didn't i feel him for 2 days? was this a sign that something may be wrong? to ease my mind, i'm going to ask for an ultra sound on monday. i think seeing him will help me a lot! 

Daniel knows that i'm mentally struggling with wonder if Jarred's okay. he surprised me thursday night with an at home heart monitor! it's been so fun! my little Jarred isn't much of a fan as he kicks it away 95% of the time, but i can still find his heart beat and kicks and hiccups. its so comforting to know he is growing and moving the way he is suppose to.

i may have said this before, but it's certain that i am in full force nesting zone, with no where really to nest.  so i have decided to apply that energy to different projects that i can do while living in my in-law's home. 

i have so many magazines! i have ridded of a lot of them already, but they continue to pile. REAL SIMPLE is truly the best magazine out there. i can apply most of the facts and articles to my life. so i keep these little treasures stacked nice and neat by my bedside table so that if i have a random need that i recall seeing in the magazine, like say i can't get the iron stains off the bathtub, there is an article that addresses that (by the way, create a paste with baking soda let it sit for an hour or so and then scrub with a sponge and water, "tada!") 

so i went through all the magazines and tour out any and ever article that would be worth peering at again, and bought those lovely sheet protectors and a cute 3-ring notebook and now i've got myself a perfect go to REAL SIMPLE fact resource! 

along with great simple solutions and facts, the magazine has some awesome recipes! that even a guru like myself would be interested in trying out. so while going through the articles, i tore out the recipes as well. so the project i'm working on now (and loving) is making recipe cards. they are fun looking with bright colors and pictures (from the magazine) and i will have them laminated! it has already got me wanting to cook again (which has declined to basically nothing since we've moved into my in-laws)

this has been fun for me, and i keep thinking about other little projects to do. i want to work on something for the nursery, but i think i'll wait a little longer on that, since i don't know for certain whether we will have a nursery right away or not. 

all these projects and such are things i use to do when i was in high school and college. i love creating and making something new. the thing is i would always do this on the floor, my on my stomach, legs in the air kicking back and forth. it was my creative pose. well i've got a basket ball as a belly right now and don't think Jarred would appreciate me laying on him. 

so i am selfishly missing my own tummy time

What Is Sacrifice?

i was up most of the night last night with my unborn son. he was so active and would not settle down. i got so frustrated. all i wanted was to get some sleep!

there has been so many times during this pregnancy that i have been so overwhelmed with joy that i have a little one growing inside. i missed out on my previous two failed pregnancies to feel that movement and bonding with my child. and then there are times where in my selfishness, i get frustrated with sharing my body with someone else, with all the exhaustion, all the emotion, the stress. i let it engulf me and i find myself responding to people's questions of "how are you feeling" with "ready to have my body back" or "only [X amount] of weeks left!"

why do i insist on leaning on this corruption of selfishness?! it consumes me. i have even admitted (numerous times) that i am too selfish to be a mother. the sad part is, i'm so right.

i admire watching mothers and their children, sons in particular. that bond a mother and a son have is something to cherish and adore. she is his example of beauty, selflessness, love, friendship, provider. so many things that i that can't imagine someone looking towards me for those needs.

that's what "mommy" means. and in fewer terms it's so often narrowed down to: sacrifice.

this is my calling. i've known it since i was a young girl, to be a mother. to be called "mommy" to have a child reach up their arms to me and say, "hold me." to be this example of love and protection.

this is my calling to be like Christ; the truest form of sacrifice.

Little Eyes Are Watching

a quote from both of my parents that i heard most of my life being the oldest of 4 kids. this week though, i took that into much consideration. daniel and i have so many habits that need to change before little eyes starts to watch us! 

isn't said that after 8weeks it becomes habit...so we need to stop: eating in front of the tv for dinner, leaving dirty dishes in our bedroom, waiting 3 weeks to do laundry... and start: cleaning the bathroom on a regular basis, making sure the dirty clothes make it to the hamper, ... and so much more!!

i am 28 weeks yesterday, i feel like i am farther along for some reason. perhaps it's wishful thinking. i sorta freaked out when someone mentioned that i only have 12 weeks left. then sorta pouted. "really? that long?" i still have to wait 2 months plus to see my jarred's face and hold him in my arms, and see him stretch the way i feel him do in my uterus. i truly ache for that day so much!

those of you who are friends with me on facebook (which i assume is 99% of those who actually read this), you may have seen my post this morning. here is the story as it unfolded: 

I was wearing a new sun dress my mother so graciously bought me the day before, and was feeling pretty cute dressed up to go to a friend's wedding. I knew i would be seeing people that i hadn't for a while and was looking forward to them being excited for me. well, one of those encounters really bummed me out. she asked me when my due date was (and i hadn't been hesitant to answer this question up until this point). after i told her, her eyes got big and she said, "wow! you look like you could go into labor at any moment." of course in the moment i laughed and brushed it off, but i couldn't help that nagging little comment to settle on my shoulders and weigh me down for the remainder of the night. i went from feeling carefree and adorable, to gaining too much weight and wanting to go home and cry into my pillow. i kept telling myself that she didn't mean it the way i was taking it. i kept and kept and kept telling myself that, but i couldn't manage to shake the ugly feelings i was drenched with. 

i was reading in my "Pregnancy Countdown" book this morning and there was a paragraph that made me think and then made me laugh:

"Now you know how it feels to have your stomach the subject of constant comment by friends, coworkers and strangers. You're probably realizing that you may have said something to a pregnant woman in the past that made her feel badly or self-conscious. You didn't mean it, but unless you're pregnant you don't get how hurtful and tiring all the comments about your size can be. So even though some days it's a challenge, try to give others the benefit of the doubt, too."

HOW TO RESPOND TO COMMENTS WHEN YOUR HORMONES ARE RAGING:

Comment: "Wow, you're huge!"

Response: "Yep, I'm pregnant; what's your excuse?"

Comment: "Are you having twins?"

Response: "No, are you?"

Comment: "Are you due soon?"

Response: (look at your watch and then say) "Any second now."

so to those of you (i can think of a few just sitting here) that i have made a comment to when referring to the beauty of your pregnancy and it may have been taking (understandably) the wrong way: i sincerely apologize! i had no idea the emotions and thought process that you go through when pregnancy hits. i now understand and am making my picket signs to stand along side you in this fight against inconsiderate people. 

we are amazingly beautiful women who are experiencing life together and just as much individually and uniquely. I am proud to join this group of women and will do my best to hold my head high for the remainder of my 12 weeks of pregnancy and beyond!

It's Wrong To Judge A Pregnant Woman

24 weeks yesterday.... been a rough week.

i tend to stress about stupid things that i have no control over. it's been something i've done most of my life. well when you are pregnant everything seems to be magnified to an even larger extreme. things that i would only worry about, now i'm dreaming about them i'm so stressed! tis quite ridiculous, no?

my department is merging with another department, roles are changing, and we don't really know what my role will be when i come back after having lil peanut. all this stresses me. and all because it's something i am completely not able to control.

i've got a major problem here folks. seriously think it's a disorder of some kind. perhaps we dub it: "lacking-faith-itous" i've got the cure, i just have to take the pill.

jarred is moving quite consistently now. i think i have mastered the "okay someone is telling me something important, but i can't pay attention because there is something kicking my bladder!" in fact i find myself ignoring him while i'm at work trying to focus on my projects and such. i always found it weird when mom's would ignore their children. "mom-mom-mom-mom!" but now i understand (to a point). 

my pets are even acting differently since i've been pregnant. zoey, my turtle-shell feline, as always been "i'll love you when i want to", but since i've been treating her more like a child she has been adoring the attention and seriously been searching me out to get it. she actually says 'mom-ma" now. pretty amusing. and jackson, our almost 2 year old boxer, is becoming more of a dad's boy since 'momma' got pregnant. at times, like when he stinks, that's fine with me. but it's weird that i get jealous over the fact that this once momma's boy pup is now running to daddy for the lovin.  

daniel and i went to two river park on friday and walked for a while. i'm not sure if it was more amusement or fear that came to mind when i looked down and saw just how swollen and purple/blue my feet were. my veins were very enlarged. daniel was really cute, "um, yeah. lets get you off your feet!" we are both worried that i'm going to have varicose veins in my feet and legs. my mother had it and i saw how miserable she was, and no offense mom, but i'd love to avoid it if i can. 

now, i'm not a huge drinker. i like a beer now and then, a margarita too. but now that i can't it makes me crave it even more! daniel and i had some friends over the other night and got beer. i have asked him that if we are going somewhere where people will be having a beer, could he get  me a root beer or a cream soda or something so that i feel like i can drink more than just water. well this time he brought me o'douls. i must admit i turned up my nose to a non alcoholic beer. just sounds so gross to me. but he put a lime wedge in it and my goodness, it certainly wasn't gross. i really liked it. 

so don't judge a pregnant woman when she's carrying a sixpack out of walmart, it's probably been a rough week and darn it she's gonna have an o'douls!

Prunes, Prunes, Their Good For Your...Legs?

had the monthy OB appointment yesterday. everything is growing great!

i have been under my pre-pregnancy weight the whole time i've been pregnant. so the last two times i've been, my doctor has told me that i need start gaining. welp, now that i've gained they say "stop." i've got an appetite now, which has been the problem in the past, NOTHING sounded good except watermelon. i've got to start thinking healthy. i'm slightly embarrassed that i haven't been eating well for the majority of my pregnancy. i need to make some changes, it's just hard now that most foods sound so good! i've gained 8lbs past my pre-pregnancy weight, i'm going to try my hardest to keep it no more than 35lbs by the 40th week. i think i can do it... i just need to gain some will power and say no to the ice cream and yes to the broccoli.

i'ved had some major swelling in my lower legs and feet, as well as my hands and, weirdly enough, my eyes. most people i talked to thought that it was high blood pressure or pre-eclampsia or something. i was prepared for the worst and to be told to only eat bread and water for the remainder of my pregnancy. but everything was fine. they just said that some women have to deal with different things. mine just happens to be swollen eyeballs... joy.

he told me that i should eat bananas or prunes to help with the bedtime leg cramps, which i thought was weird, but hey if it helps, bring on the prunes baby!

jarred and i measured perfectly for going on 23 weeks. he even gave a nice healthy kick to the heartbeat monitor, giving us a laugh. he's about 1lb2oz (ish).

we also talked to my doc about waterbirth, and if that was an option. he's very on board, just told me he wasn't getting in the tub with me :). also recommended a doula for me. i'm getting very excited that my birth plan is going to work out! i'm not doing the waterbirth to be a naturalist or anything, i just feel like i will feel more at ease doing it this way. i'm so for induction if i'm 40 weeks and still no baby. i'll go natural to a point.

so all is well in the uterus of mommy burrell.

It's Called a Braxton What?

twenty-two weeks yesterday, and understanding more and more what being pregnant is truly all about.

it's been a few weeks off of the blog, more due to the fact that i believe God deserved my time more than a blog. i have spent much more time focusing on Him, as i have come to the conclusion that i rely on people more than i rely on Him. which is something i mean to change.

during the past two weeks i have discovered a few fascinating things about pregnancy.

hiccups.

mister Jarred Christopher has the hiccups... a lot. i'm sure he started this habit long before i could feel him jump inside me, but now it's pretty constant. at least once a day, but most days its about three times i feel the fluttery jump about every 5 seconds which lasts for about 5 to 10 minutes. i myself dislike having the hiccups, so i feel for peanut as he has them so frequently, must get quite irritating. but being the one who doesn't own an ultrasound machine to check on her little one constantly, it's a comfort to feel the jumping inside. it's like he's telling me that he's growing healthy and doing his best to make sure his body is prepared to face a world with air.

(the every annoying) braxton hicks contractions

when i experienced my first, i was frustrated at the idea of having a contraction so far from labor. i still had 19 weeks of pre-labor, why in the world would i be practicing NOW?! so me being me, i did some research and discovered something truly amazing! 

okay during labor, a woman gets to a point where she gets the urge to "push." (except for those who have the needle in their back, which i will go more into later) now, this "pushing" does not refer to the ever daily bowel movements one might have to work out. no, this "pushing" is using a muscle known only to a pregnant woman. in fact until pregnancy this muscle doesn't truly exist. the uterus, starting in about the sixth week of pregnancy, starts to contract and work out the thick balloon-like material. in the process of this work out (braxton hicks) the labor muscle is formed. as the pregnancy matures the contractions move closer to the top of the uterus, focusing the muscle there in preparation of the "pushing" i refered to. 

isn't that awesome! God created a woman's body, my body, to know exactly what to do, regardless of me being aware that it's doing so! and when we (women in labor) feel that urge to "push" we will innately know how to use this newly formed muscle to the best of it's abilities! i'm so baffled at the work of our Creator! 

waterbirth.

another discovery, though i've known about it since about the 12th week of pregnancy, i have done my research throughly in the past two weeks. this concept of birthing a child in a tub of water, is said to be one of the most relaxing and comforting birthing choices. i must admit i had my doubts, so i looked for the risk factors of waterbirths. there are only a few: mother getting water into her blood stream (very rare), baby's first breath being under the water (again, very rare due to the fact that the baby doesn't get the urge to take a breath until the umbilical cord touches air and at that point the babe is either in the arms of the doctor or the mother). those were the two of most concern. the pros to this process are very extensive and continue to grow the more popular it becomes. the idea of being in a warm bath (which relaxes me) having music and candles (more that relaxes me) and feeling more in control of my body (if i need to move to find comfort during labor, i can adjust my self and not rely on another person to help me move). 

 also, because i am baring a burrell son, we all know he will be a bath boy, so might as well bring him into this world in the place where his father, uncle, papa, and who knows how far back the "bath-boy-burrells" go. it only seems fit. (those who know my husband understand this. those who don't, well to enlighten you, my husband would take 3 baths a day, yes in the bath tub.)

at this point in time i have also done my research on pain meds one can take during labor to ease the discomfort of the process. but when i realized that some of these medications take away the actual process of birthing a child, the more i realize that i don't want them. now i do believe that i have mentioned this in previous blogs, the fact that i dislike pain and can be often refered to as "whimpy" (much to my dismay). but having a baby isn't like falling down, or braking a bone. it's the most amazing gift God has given to woman. the pregnancy as a whole, i want to experience it. yes even the pain of birth. i want to experience it. there will be no needle in my back to dull the pain. at the most i will have demerol drug to take the edge off. i want to experience the God given process of bringing my son into the world. 

i am discussing this with my doctor this coming tuesday. we will find out if this is in fact something that will be possible to do. at this point it is my first choice.

Oh, We're Half Way There, Oh Oh Livin On A Prayer!

tomorrow is 20 weeks. i can't believe the half way point is here. it's all down hill from here... and there is so much to do.

daniel and i are still living at my in-laws. we moved in last august only to stay for 3 or 4 months before moving into our first house. we had put in 3 offers on 3 different houses during november and december, and then we found out we were expecting. the wise thing would be to wait to move into a home and continue to save for a few months more. well here we are at my half way point in my pregnancy and we will begin to actively start looking for our first home come late next month. we hope to be in a home late may to late june. i will be 30 weeks pregnant on may 30th so the clock will be ticking... fast.

with buying a house and having a baby in only months, financially this will be very challenging for us as a young family. we have faith that God will provide, but it still leaves the feeling of concern and wonderment of how. 

at this point i would be happy in a one bedroom apartment, just to know where i will be bring my new son home to. it's an ache that i have right now. all of his new toys, clothes, and stuff is starting to form a pile in our little in-house apartment. i would love to have a nursery to start organizing them in and decorating in my nursery theme of choice.

this week has been the first that i have actually thought "okay, when do i get my body back??" I have been having the hardest time sleeping. not the action of falling asleep, no i can do that perfectly fine. it's the constant waking up because i'm sleeping wrong (or having to pee)

i woke up monday morning and was in so much pain because i slept on my shoulder wrong. well actually, my boppy body pillow had moved from under my head to under my shoulder causing me to lay in an odd way. i have tried so hard not to lay on that side, forming pillow walls to block me from rolling on my left side, but about once an hour i would wake up on that side in pain. i've got to find a way to avoid this and let my shoulder heal. i may opt to sleeping on the couch  for a few nights so to not roll over. 

and the constant hip pains are also very rude awaking that i'm very pregnant. 

my dear husband is doing so well handling a pregnant wife. he is taking the time to rub my hips and shoulders and back and feet. i can't complain about an un-empathetic husband, he's trying so hard to understand my highs and lows of pregnancy. he told me last night that he's having odd cravings too; was it spicy fries and cherry poptarts that he ate on the way home from walmart? not sure if that was the correct items, but it was out there. i laughed and told him that i think it was all him and not me rubbing off on him. either way, he's been amazing.

jarred and i are continuing to bond in a mommy and son way. i turned on my favorite amy grant hits cd and we danced and sang to it this morning. i always knew i would sing, "baby, baby" to my child, and i do! 

i need to be completely honest, when i found out that my little peanut was going to be a boy and not a girl, i was slightly disappointed. i think i had convinced myself that i would be able to mother a baby girl much better as i am one and would be able to understand her better. but a BOY? how can i relate to him as well? how can i be sure that i am doing all a mother can in raising a son? and then the "awwww, i can't decorate him with bows and dresses?!!" yeah, i was a little blue. which makes no since i know, i am so happy to be a mother and am so excited for either a boy or a girl. but it took a few days of the reality to set in and for me to start to get absolutely thrilled that i'm going to have a mommy's boy and that i know jarred christopher and i are going to have a bond like no other. i am so in love with my little son it's crazy. i love going into babysrus and target and looking at the little boy clothes and toys! it makes me so giddy and i wish i could get them all!

tomorrow will be a fun day of excitement, not only because it's my 20 weeks mark, but it's fun to think that i'll be celebrating it on the day that two of my best friends are getting married!! 

congrats josh and erin! may God bless your marriage! and make a honeymoon baby so my son can have a friend his age! ;)

You Are My Sunshine

i have been singing out loud to lil peanut whatever song comes to my head. this week has been extremely gloomy and rainy outside, but with him with me all the time and giving me a little kick to let me know he's there, well he is my sunshine on a cloudy day.

almost half way! i'm 19 weeks today!

seeing him this week in the ultrasound made me realize that 21 weeks is way too far away! i can't wait to see him, to hold him, to nurse him. it makes me so giddy just thinking about it! i seriously can't believe how much i love him. it's amazing to me, like this must be how God feels about us. it's something i could never have tried to understand before experiencing it. 

i love that i know he can hear me talk to him, and sing to him, and read to him. i'm reading some of my favorite children books to him. like "chicka chicka boom boom" and "is your mama a llama?" 

daniel is also reading to the bump too. he pulled out some of his old children books and really loves to read to us before bed. i love daniel so much for doing this, it's so great that he wants to be so involved in this early stage of parenthood. i can't wait to see him holding his son and watch him learn to be a daddy. he's already doing a great job, i know he is going to be such an amazing father!

oh and he's an amazing husband too, he bought me a whole watermelon today!! i think i'm in heaven!

Jarred Christopher

the official name

jarred christopher has two name-sakes: jerrod rumley and chris spalding, two men (of many) who poured into daniel's life the meaning of being a God centered man/husband/father. jerrod is also the minister who married us over two years ago. 

we chose to change the spelling of the first name, but kept the double "r's"

We pray that as jarred christopher grows and matures that he shows the same God fearing desire that these men he is named after show and that he will also be an amazing example of Christ!

though this is my little unborn's birth name, we will continue to call him 'peanut' since we have dubbed him this since we found out i was pregnant with him. he may not like the nick name when he starts his tweens, until then he will continue to be my lil peanut! :)

Maternity Showered

never have i felt so blessed to be welcomed into the 'mommy clan'

my mom, mother-in-law, and two other friends threw me a maternity shower this last weekend and all these mothers were there to usher me into motherhood. 

my mom had a wonderful lady come who has just had her 6th boy (!!) and she told me what a joy pregnancy was and everything she loved about motherhood. she brought her beautiful new born with her for me to hold. it was such a mommy moment for me as i thought the whole time that i will have one of these beautiful miracles in just a few short months!

then the ladies prayed over me and the baby. wow, that was unexpected and felt so cool to have all these women who i looked up to focused on me and my child, lifting us up to the Creator. 

then i got to open presents! icing on the cake right! it was so much fun and i was blessed with so many gifts. i felt so unworthy, but oh so grateful!

the brunch food was also just amazing! fruit, veggies and dip, cheese cubes and crackers, french toast squares, so very yummy cinnamon rolls (which i ate too much of). and my mom got me watermelon and honeydew just for me!! ooooo yum!

i was so exhausted by the end of the shower. but wow it was so much more than i could have ever expected. 

thank you again for all the mothers who hosted and who came. you blessed me so very much!

Thanks, But No Thanks.

why do people insist on telling me pregnancy horror stories??

i went into barns & noble the other day and ran into an old co worker, we talked about my pregnancy and she then told me that another coworker of ours went in to find out what her baby's gender was at 20 weeks and found out that it didn't have a brain!?! 

shock had to have been written all over my face! i said the, "oh goodness that's so sad!" but inside i was freaking out! she then gave me this look like, "how do you know your baby has a BRAIN?" i laughed and said "well this little one has been kickin the whole time we've been talking, so i'm sure it's got something in it's noggin." 

but oh my goodness, why would you tell a pregnant woman that?!! 

the whole way home i was freaking out about all the things that could be wrong with my baby. it wasn't a good past time. 

i got home and told daniel, which he said the same thing i did to her, "your baby's kicking too much not to have a brain, babe, everything is fine." 

i know it is, but can you blame me?!

Princess or Prince?

we find out the gender of peanut this week!

18 weeks today, peanut is 5 1/2 inches long from head to bum, and about 7 ounces, and still loving to dance to music.

now i have been feeling movement for a month now, and daniel was able to feel the baby move a week ago, but every thing i read tells me that i should just now be feeling movement and to not get my hopes up about sharing this experience because my "significant other" won't be able to feel anything for another few weeks. 

so either daniel and i (and peanut) are just going to have to come to grips with being above average, or i am farther along in my baby growing process then we thought. tuesday when i go in for the ultrasound a lot of things will be checked out, including the due date prediction, so we will know wether to plan differently for an august or earlier baby.

i am so very aware of my uterus these days. i can actually feel the thing when i'm getting up from lying down or sitting and especially when i'm walking, feels like a water filled cantaloup in my belly. my whole sense of gravity is being thrown off. i remember when i was in drama classes in high school, we walked around the room to find what we 'lead' with, some with their heads (nerds), some with their hips (typically girls), some with their stomach (typically those who are larger, or proud), some with their feet (people who are always in a rush). my 'lead' has changed from hips to stomach in the matter of a week. 

not that i'm fat and not that i'm proud... okay so i am getting much larger and i'm very proud of that, so maybe the stereotypes aren't too far off.

Popcorn in My Belly

at least that’s what i feel these days.

ever since saturday (my last post) peanut has been sure to make known his/her existence! sunday daniel felt the baby kick too, which was so exciting! i’m not sure if i’m more excited than him or not, that i’m not the only one now able to experience this little one. his eyes got wide, like when he first heard the heart beat. he’s so adorable and is going to make such an amazing father!

apparently peanut likes music, either that or car rides. every time i get in the car after about a minute little one goes wild! kicking and summersaults like crazy! i can’t tell if it’s the movement of the car or if it’s my music that i play. props to B98.5 if it’s the music, my child has good taste!

also might be the seat belt, though.

when i wear pants that are just a little snug or when i sit and lean forward, peanut pushes on my tummy as hard as it can, letting me know “hey you mom, this isn’t comfortable! fix it!” it makes me giggle a lot. and secretly i will at times lean forward to get a reaction (no worries, i’ve read that there is plenty of room for the uterus to move so that the baby isn’t harmed when i bend over or lean forward)

no need to do that now though, as little one is constantly moving and playing in my uterus. it’s a fun bonding process we are in, as it is adjusting to me and my schedule and me adjusting to having an amazing miracle growing inside of me!

i’m most definitely growing! i woke up this morning and felt most definitely larger. i rolled over and told daniel that i felt so fat today. i put my hands on my stomach and laughed. i grew like an inch to two inches last night! and the movement has moved up closer to my belling button today.

i’m having such a blast being pregnant! i know that it has its ups and its downs, but i’m over all loving it so much!

Living On Orange Juice

17 weeks today!

peanut is almost 5 inches from head to bum and about 4 ounces. this week my little one will be putting on some fat (bring on the donuts!) and it's hearing is developing. i'm going to pick out a few of my favorite children's books to read to it!

so i've been sick with the flu all week, and with the lack of medication one can take during pregnancy, being sick while expecting is not a fun experience. i'm finally moving past the illness, though i'm still coughing up crud (which i swear i freak the baby out every time i cough) and my voice goes in and out. yesterday i was feeling better, but took another day and did nothing but lay around and hand out at home playing video and board games with my husband. i think that really helped me gain some of my strength back, but still very weak. 

i had been getting alittle worried about the baby. i had been feeling movement at least once every day for about a week before i got sick. i felt it on monday and once on tuesday, but then wednesday on, i hadn't felt any movement. i couldn't help but think that during my flu something was going wrong with the babe.

today, daniel and i stayed in bed until about 9am, ate pancakes, watched a few episodes of 24 then he went off to his last day at the coffee shop. i looked around and was disgusted at the disarray of our little in-house apartment. all the trash cans were over flowing (90% of my used tissues), the clothes and dishes and more used tissues were everywhere, bed hadn't been made in a week, bathroom was just gross, mold growing in the coffee maker, and dust (!!) was everywhere! i think i threw-up in my mouth a bit. "it's on!" and i got busy and conquered!! i collapsed on the couch surrounded by folded clothes, very please with all that i had accomplished.

that's when i got punched!

i promise the little one socked me as hard as it could in my gut! i almost scolded it and then realized that i hadn't felt it in like 4 days, and got happy. as i was rubbing my expanding stomach smiling with pride, peanut started to show off.

moving like crazy, it must have been practicing boxing! seriously reminded me of how the cartoon boxing matches go when the opponents use the side of the ring as a sideways trampoline. back and forth-back and forth. it was quite amusing! i was thrilled and it was so worth the wait of not feeling movement for a few days to, even as i type now, i feel it just a'moving!

it's got to be the best, most comforting feeling in the world!

A Few Marbles Short

"baby brain"

usually, it's in reference to doing something completely spacey, like putting the milk away in the pantry instead of the fridge, driving 15 miles with your coffee mug on the roof of the car, or leaving the house talking on the house phone thinking it's your cell phone. (all of which i have done)

seriously since about my 7th week of being pregnant my brain has been MIA. i feel so bad for my co workers and my husband. i have lost whole conversations, can't complete my sentences, and (no offense mom) but i feel like my mother.

i was told by a few that the second trimester is better... liars.

thank you to those who are truthful in telling me that it never comes back, at least they are preparing me for the worst.

it's only fair.

168 Days To Go

i am 16 weeks today.

by looking at me in maternity clothes, it's easy to tell that i'm pregnant. i've got the little round pooch a growin'. but (like today) wearing sweat pants and a t-shirt with a throw-on jacket, i could be mistaken for eating a few too many cookies.

i can officially no longer wear my engagement ring. i smashed my hand in a door before i got married and the ring band isn't a perfect circle anymore. so when i retain water (which since everything must have salt on it, i am permanently a balloon), it is not comfortable at all to have on, let along attempting to take off without soapy water.

luckily i haven't joined my engagement and wedding bands yet. it's been something that i've been putting off. but i have always believed that procrastination is a virtue, this proves my point. if i had to take both rings off then i would be walking around with a naked ring finger and having old ladies look at me in disgust, "oh she's going to eternal damnation, getting knocked up and unwed!" so i'll wear my diamond-less ring proudly and flash that finger as i pass them little hypocritical women.

according to my little "pregnancy countdown" information book, today my little peanut has grown to the size of a large avocado (wow, i could so go for an avocado right now!) measuring about 4 1/2 inches from head to bum, and weighing in at about 3 ounces.

the more i feel the tickle of movement, the more i bond with the little one. it makes me glow with pride knowing that he/she is growing and is healthy as they swim and flip and work out these new movements of this being they are becoming.

i was reading about the different ways that a child becomes unique while being in the womb. fingerprints. did you know that fingerprints are formed by the little hands moving back and forth in the ambiotic fluid creating unique ripples in the newly made skin of their fingers and toes! so even identical twins have completely different fingerprints. that is so awesome to me!

speaking of fingers and toes, lil peanut is growing nails this week. that and taste buds! according to my recent findings, if i eat spicy foods (which is something i have not been wanting lately) the baby will taste it! also the taste buds of the tiny tongue can tell when i eat something sweet. research has shown that when the baby tastes sweetness it becomes happy. Now i've got my doubts to believe this as truth. it seems to me that most sweet things contain some amounts of caffeine, so i would think that this "happiness" researchers are referring to may be the little one being effected by caffeine.

but still, it's fun to think about the fact that as i am indulging in a sweet treat, as is my babe.

Prenatal Blues

at first i was excited to start on prenatal vitamins. i had heard how they make your hair and nails beautiful. the vitamins make you feel so healthy and add to the 'glow' of pregnancy.

now is when you input some laughter. (and read at your own risk)

of course it depends on which prenatal vitamin you choose to take. i did the run-to-the-local-store-and-grab-the-first-over-the-counter-prenatal-bottle-i-saw. but my doctor didn't like that i was taking those and gave me a prescription to take these "#1 recommended" vitamins instead.

i was also taking a prescription of progesterone, which i had to take before bed, so i just added the prenatals to my nighttime pill popping party. i had no idea the side effects of these pretty pink/purple pills.

first of all, forget what it's like to have an empty colon. i know that you don't typically think about your colon, but when it's full of crap (literally) you will think back on the days when it was free and clear. if anyone is familiar with how a deer poops, you will relate.

those of you who are voluntarily taking omega 3, know that i for one think you are completely nuts! burping tuna all day long is not my idea of feeling healthy! you may think i'm exaggerating, but there is very little exaggeration here. when you are sipping on a savory mango and strawberry smoothie and then all of a sudden have the taste of tuna fish in your mouth, you will understand.

i'm not quite sure what is sucking the moisture out of my skin; may not be the vitamins, but i didn't have the problem of dry flaky skin until i started to take them! i will seriously lotion up my face with "ultra moisturizing lotion" 3 times in the morning before i put on my make up. and still when i get to the office and look in the mirror, to my horror my face has dry flakes on my forehead and cheeks! i'll run to the bathroom and slab some more lotion on my face. this is an ongoing cycle throughout the day. i've got literal patches on my stomach and legs that will burn if i don't continually doctor them up throughout the day.

along with the dry skin, my hair has turned ultra brittle. i trim my own hair because of the length, but i can't keep up with the split ends! i now try to go 3 days without washing it so that the oils will soak in and attempt to repair the poor hairs. also going three days before i put it under the heat of a dryer... neither has seemed to do any good so far.

the one good thing about these devil pills (other than knowing that my baby is growing healthy due to them): I will say that my nails are nice and full of strength like never before. it's been fun letting them grow long and not have them chip, brake, or split in half. when i press on the tips, they don't even flex under the pressure. i could do some serious damage with these babies!

all this to say, i have set myself free.

i am back to taking the over the counter prenatals! no more tuna breath! no more deer pooping! (i still have the dry skin and hair) but i'm a much more pleasant person.

and i have to say that i do glow now.

Genesis 3:16

“to the woman He said, ‘I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.’”

i like to be prepared for what is ahead. it’s probably under being a control freak; i like to know what is expected so that i never feel caught off guard. so i did some research yesterday about what happens during labor and birth.

Oooh. so much pain in my future! i’m not a big fan of pain in any way or form, never have been. many people consider me quite wimpy actually. and as much as i can argue, push comes to shove, i have never been a believer of the phrase, “no pain, no gain.”

so reading about all the expected pain that comes with delivery of this precious child, i started to get scared.

i don’t know if i can do this? what if i pass out? what if i just don’t have the strength?

it got to the point where i was questioning why in the world God would allow something so amazing to have so much pain. sure it’s because of the first sin, but goodness!

so many times the Bible reminds us just how precious children are to God. children are a blessing! Psalm 127:3-5 “children are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from Him.”

so here is my question: how can something be a curse and a blessing at the same time? is childbirth truly a curse from God? there are some women who don’t have as much pain as others, and others who have such difficult labor. does God choose who to lay on the curse and then let others slide?

John 9:1-3 “as they went along, they saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, ‘Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?’ ‘neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.’”

perhaps God serves different purposes in different women's labors. perhaps for some women a difficult labor displays God's glory to those watching because she depended on Him to bring her through it. for other women, perhaps God allows the woman to have a painful labor to test her heart, to see if she will remain faithful to Him.

just some food for thought.

"Fluttering, Quickening, Movement"

it felt like a 'tickle' to me.

i felt it the first time in church. and to be completely honest, i didn't know if it was just a gas bubble or not. it seemed too early to be able to feel this little being move inside me. but it felt...different.

i emailed my doctor and asked her if it was too soon. she asked me what i felt. i told her. she said, "sounds like baby to me!" but that i probably wouldn't feel it again for about another week.

that friday, i was taking a 'chill-day' staying in my pj's and watching romantic movies all day (highly recommended to any woman). Lying in bed i felt that same 'tickle' low in my abdomen. I couldn't help but giggle. "hello my little one."

I poked the area where i felt the tickle. and the most amazing thing happened! i felt the tickle again!!

i caught by breath. no way. did it really poke me back?

so i poke again... and AGAIN the little being tickled back!

at this point i had tears in my eyes!  I poked again. nothing. i poked again. nothing. but i didn't care, i was so tickled with joy that i had to tell someone what had happened! I called Daniel, he laughed. i didn't feel like he truly understood my celebration.

so i called my mom. she giggled with me and enjoyed the moment of remembering with me.

"my baby played a game with me!"

it was a week and two days later that i felt the growing babe move again. but that will truly be a highlight of my first pregnancy.

12 weeks ago...

is when we found out. 

to be more exact, it's when i freaked out.

I was waiting on that time of the month to start before starting on my birth control for that month. Well the day to start my birth control was here and mother nature hadn't arived yet. So i called my doctor, she told me to take a pregnancy test.

Now to be completely honest, i had taken a few before this. I had felt pregnant for a few week, but figured it was my birth control hormones making me feel this way. Still I told my mother and best girl friend how i was feeling just so that someone knew i was feeling funky and could attempt to relate. Both of these previous tests had been negative. This proved my theory that my hormones were making me feel this way.

So back to that day, i was at work when it was suggested that i take another pregnancy test. My doctor told me to call her back after i got the results. So i called my husband and told him what was going on, asked him if he would like to be there when i took it. He felt that it was the meds (like i) so he told me to take it, and he would go ahead and drive over from his work. 

So i drove to Walgreens down the street (isn't there one or two on like every street!) and went back to my office to do the deed. I stuck the test in my jean pocket, and headed to the bathroom, mentally preparing myself for either 50% answer. 

the preparing didn't work when i got this answer.

the box says it takes 3 minutes to get an answer. Well this result was instantaneous. There was most definitely 2 pink lines staring back at me. i think i looked at it for a good 5 minutes deciding whether the one line would sink back and tell me the truth, that "Ha-ha, that was a good joke, jk!" no, it only grew more and more bold. Should have had an exclamation point on it.

i started to cry.

okay now to explain this: over the past year and a half i had had two miscarriages. These both happened within the first trimester, so i didn't have the baby bump. but that doesn't mean that i wasn't emotionally effected. With the second i started to dip into depression. it was a very difficult time for me and my husband (as he had to deal with me). about 4 weeks before this day i had started to pick up and become more me. lively and fun-loving. realizing that life must go on, and God has a bigger plan for my life.

why now?! "God, i have just gotten over these past losses, why present this opportunity for another?" i was so confused and hurt. I knew for sure that this would freak Daniel (my husband) out. We were trying to get out of his parents house and into our own home, but knew that we couldn't afford a home and a baby!

i didn't want to call him and tell him. but i picked up my phone, i called.

I was crying when i told him. He couldn't believe it! but he was happy. I was confused. but he was happy! he told me he was almost there and to wait for him outside. 

when he got there i vented just how scared i was about the loss of another child. that i didn't think i could handle it. i started to hyperventilate. but Daniel, with his soft touch and words, told me that we were going to have a baby, and nothing could be more amazing. 

I called my doctor, she rushed me in to get labs. my hormones to sustain a baby were too low (which is what we thought was the problem with the last pregnancies) i was put on the correct hormone levels the next day. 

i was only 3 weeks. this baby was a God baby. I felt pregnant before it was possible. the test was positive during the soonest it could detect. and my doctor is an angel for pulling me in ahead of others to make sure this one stuck. 

I am now 15 weeks and 4 days. there is a perfect miracle growing inside, and i couldn't be happier.