Tummy Time

30 weeks today! 10 more to go. some days it feels like its gone by so fast and others, well yeah. 

I had a difficult start of the week when Jarred stopped moving. i noticed it last sunday night, that he wasn't as active when i laid down in bed like he usually is. and then the next day i was with my mom and sisters all day, but he wasn't moving. i didn't have the feeling that something dyer was going on, but it still worried me a bit. then tuesday morning he was still not being active, so i put in a few calls and emails to my doctor (who has still yet to return either by phone or email). as i was waiting to hear back from her that morning, it was like he woke up from a long nap. he started to move around a little more. not as much as before, but enough to ease my mind some. by that night he was his usual self, mister soccer man.

i have my next appointment this monday morning, and even though he is moving like usual now (A LOT) i still feel weird. why didn't i feel him for 2 days? was this a sign that something may be wrong? to ease my mind, i'm going to ask for an ultra sound on monday. i think seeing him will help me a lot! 

Daniel knows that i'm mentally struggling with wonder if Jarred's okay. he surprised me thursday night with an at home heart monitor! it's been so fun! my little Jarred isn't much of a fan as he kicks it away 95% of the time, but i can still find his heart beat and kicks and hiccups. its so comforting to know he is growing and moving the way he is suppose to.

i may have said this before, but it's certain that i am in full force nesting zone, with no where really to nest.  so i have decided to apply that energy to different projects that i can do while living in my in-law's home. 

i have so many magazines! i have ridded of a lot of them already, but they continue to pile. REAL SIMPLE is truly the best magazine out there. i can apply most of the facts and articles to my life. so i keep these little treasures stacked nice and neat by my bedside table so that if i have a random need that i recall seeing in the magazine, like say i can't get the iron stains off the bathtub, there is an article that addresses that (by the way, create a paste with baking soda let it sit for an hour or so and then scrub with a sponge and water, "tada!") 

so i went through all the magazines and tour out any and ever article that would be worth peering at again, and bought those lovely sheet protectors and a cute 3-ring notebook and now i've got myself a perfect go to REAL SIMPLE fact resource! 

along with great simple solutions and facts, the magazine has some awesome recipes! that even a guru like myself would be interested in trying out. so while going through the articles, i tore out the recipes as well. so the project i'm working on now (and loving) is making recipe cards. they are fun looking with bright colors and pictures (from the magazine) and i will have them laminated! it has already got me wanting to cook again (which has declined to basically nothing since we've moved into my in-laws)

this has been fun for me, and i keep thinking about other little projects to do. i want to work on something for the nursery, but i think i'll wait a little longer on that, since i don't know for certain whether we will have a nursery right away or not. 

all these projects and such are things i use to do when i was in high school and college. i love creating and making something new. the thing is i would always do this on the floor, my on my stomach, legs in the air kicking back and forth. it was my creative pose. well i've got a basket ball as a belly right now and don't think Jarred would appreciate me laying on him. 

so i am selfishly missing my own tummy time

What Is Sacrifice?

i was up most of the night last night with my unborn son. he was so active and would not settle down. i got so frustrated. all i wanted was to get some sleep!

there has been so many times during this pregnancy that i have been so overwhelmed with joy that i have a little one growing inside. i missed out on my previous two failed pregnancies to feel that movement and bonding with my child. and then there are times where in my selfishness, i get frustrated with sharing my body with someone else, with all the exhaustion, all the emotion, the stress. i let it engulf me and i find myself responding to people's questions of "how are you feeling" with "ready to have my body back" or "only [X amount] of weeks left!"

why do i insist on leaning on this corruption of selfishness?! it consumes me. i have even admitted (numerous times) that i am too selfish to be a mother. the sad part is, i'm so right.

i admire watching mothers and their children, sons in particular. that bond a mother and a son have is something to cherish and adore. she is his example of beauty, selflessness, love, friendship, provider. so many things that i that can't imagine someone looking towards me for those needs.

that's what "mommy" means. and in fewer terms it's so often narrowed down to: sacrifice.

this is my calling. i've known it since i was a young girl, to be a mother. to be called "mommy" to have a child reach up their arms to me and say, "hold me." to be this example of love and protection.

this is my calling to be like Christ; the truest form of sacrifice.

Little Eyes Are Watching

a quote from both of my parents that i heard most of my life being the oldest of 4 kids. this week though, i took that into much consideration. daniel and i have so many habits that need to change before little eyes starts to watch us! 

isn't said that after 8weeks it becomes habit...so we need to stop: eating in front of the tv for dinner, leaving dirty dishes in our bedroom, waiting 3 weeks to do laundry... and start: cleaning the bathroom on a regular basis, making sure the dirty clothes make it to the hamper, ... and so much more!!

i am 28 weeks yesterday, i feel like i am farther along for some reason. perhaps it's wishful thinking. i sorta freaked out when someone mentioned that i only have 12 weeks left. then sorta pouted. "really? that long?" i still have to wait 2 months plus to see my jarred's face and hold him in my arms, and see him stretch the way i feel him do in my uterus. i truly ache for that day so much!

those of you who are friends with me on facebook (which i assume is 99% of those who actually read this), you may have seen my post this morning. here is the story as it unfolded: 

I was wearing a new sun dress my mother so graciously bought me the day before, and was feeling pretty cute dressed up to go to a friend's wedding. I knew i would be seeing people that i hadn't for a while and was looking forward to them being excited for me. well, one of those encounters really bummed me out. she asked me when my due date was (and i hadn't been hesitant to answer this question up until this point). after i told her, her eyes got big and she said, "wow! you look like you could go into labor at any moment." of course in the moment i laughed and brushed it off, but i couldn't help that nagging little comment to settle on my shoulders and weigh me down for the remainder of the night. i went from feeling carefree and adorable, to gaining too much weight and wanting to go home and cry into my pillow. i kept telling myself that she didn't mean it the way i was taking it. i kept and kept and kept telling myself that, but i couldn't manage to shake the ugly feelings i was drenched with. 

i was reading in my "Pregnancy Countdown" book this morning and there was a paragraph that made me think and then made me laugh:

"Now you know how it feels to have your stomach the subject of constant comment by friends, coworkers and strangers. You're probably realizing that you may have said something to a pregnant woman in the past that made her feel badly or self-conscious. You didn't mean it, but unless you're pregnant you don't get how hurtful and tiring all the comments about your size can be. So even though some days it's a challenge, try to give others the benefit of the doubt, too."

HOW TO RESPOND TO COMMENTS WHEN YOUR HORMONES ARE RAGING:

Comment: "Wow, you're huge!"

Response: "Yep, I'm pregnant; what's your excuse?"

Comment: "Are you having twins?"

Response: "No, are you?"

Comment: "Are you due soon?"

Response: (look at your watch and then say) "Any second now."

so to those of you (i can think of a few just sitting here) that i have made a comment to when referring to the beauty of your pregnancy and it may have been taking (understandably) the wrong way: i sincerely apologize! i had no idea the emotions and thought process that you go through when pregnancy hits. i now understand and am making my picket signs to stand along side you in this fight against inconsiderate people. 

we are amazingly beautiful women who are experiencing life together and just as much individually and uniquely. I am proud to join this group of women and will do my best to hold my head high for the remainder of my 12 weeks of pregnancy and beyond!

It's Wrong To Judge A Pregnant Woman

24 weeks yesterday.... been a rough week.

i tend to stress about stupid things that i have no control over. it's been something i've done most of my life. well when you are pregnant everything seems to be magnified to an even larger extreme. things that i would only worry about, now i'm dreaming about them i'm so stressed! tis quite ridiculous, no?

my department is merging with another department, roles are changing, and we don't really know what my role will be when i come back after having lil peanut. all this stresses me. and all because it's something i am completely not able to control.

i've got a major problem here folks. seriously think it's a disorder of some kind. perhaps we dub it: "lacking-faith-itous" i've got the cure, i just have to take the pill.

jarred is moving quite consistently now. i think i have mastered the "okay someone is telling me something important, but i can't pay attention because there is something kicking my bladder!" in fact i find myself ignoring him while i'm at work trying to focus on my projects and such. i always found it weird when mom's would ignore their children. "mom-mom-mom-mom!" but now i understand (to a point). 

my pets are even acting differently since i've been pregnant. zoey, my turtle-shell feline, as always been "i'll love you when i want to", but since i've been treating her more like a child she has been adoring the attention and seriously been searching me out to get it. she actually says 'mom-ma" now. pretty amusing. and jackson, our almost 2 year old boxer, is becoming more of a dad's boy since 'momma' got pregnant. at times, like when he stinks, that's fine with me. but it's weird that i get jealous over the fact that this once momma's boy pup is now running to daddy for the lovin.  

daniel and i went to two river park on friday and walked for a while. i'm not sure if it was more amusement or fear that came to mind when i looked down and saw just how swollen and purple/blue my feet were. my veins were very enlarged. daniel was really cute, "um, yeah. lets get you off your feet!" we are both worried that i'm going to have varicose veins in my feet and legs. my mother had it and i saw how miserable she was, and no offense mom, but i'd love to avoid it if i can. 

now, i'm not a huge drinker. i like a beer now and then, a margarita too. but now that i can't it makes me crave it even more! daniel and i had some friends over the other night and got beer. i have asked him that if we are going somewhere where people will be having a beer, could he get  me a root beer or a cream soda or something so that i feel like i can drink more than just water. well this time he brought me o'douls. i must admit i turned up my nose to a non alcoholic beer. just sounds so gross to me. but he put a lime wedge in it and my goodness, it certainly wasn't gross. i really liked it. 

so don't judge a pregnant woman when she's carrying a sixpack out of walmart, it's probably been a rough week and darn it she's gonna have an o'douls!

Prunes, Prunes, Their Good For Your...Legs?

had the monthy OB appointment yesterday. everything is growing great!

i have been under my pre-pregnancy weight the whole time i've been pregnant. so the last two times i've been, my doctor has told me that i need start gaining. welp, now that i've gained they say "stop." i've got an appetite now, which has been the problem in the past, NOTHING sounded good except watermelon. i've got to start thinking healthy. i'm slightly embarrassed that i haven't been eating well for the majority of my pregnancy. i need to make some changes, it's just hard now that most foods sound so good! i've gained 8lbs past my pre-pregnancy weight, i'm going to try my hardest to keep it no more than 35lbs by the 40th week. i think i can do it... i just need to gain some will power and say no to the ice cream and yes to the broccoli.

i'ved had some major swelling in my lower legs and feet, as well as my hands and, weirdly enough, my eyes. most people i talked to thought that it was high blood pressure or pre-eclampsia or something. i was prepared for the worst and to be told to only eat bread and water for the remainder of my pregnancy. but everything was fine. they just said that some women have to deal with different things. mine just happens to be swollen eyeballs... joy.

he told me that i should eat bananas or prunes to help with the bedtime leg cramps, which i thought was weird, but hey if it helps, bring on the prunes baby!

jarred and i measured perfectly for going on 23 weeks. he even gave a nice healthy kick to the heartbeat monitor, giving us a laugh. he's about 1lb2oz (ish).

we also talked to my doc about waterbirth, and if that was an option. he's very on board, just told me he wasn't getting in the tub with me :). also recommended a doula for me. i'm getting very excited that my birth plan is going to work out! i'm not doing the waterbirth to be a naturalist or anything, i just feel like i will feel more at ease doing it this way. i'm so for induction if i'm 40 weeks and still no baby. i'll go natural to a point.

so all is well in the uterus of mommy burrell.

It's Called a Braxton What?

twenty-two weeks yesterday, and understanding more and more what being pregnant is truly all about.

it's been a few weeks off of the blog, more due to the fact that i believe God deserved my time more than a blog. i have spent much more time focusing on Him, as i have come to the conclusion that i rely on people more than i rely on Him. which is something i mean to change.

during the past two weeks i have discovered a few fascinating things about pregnancy.

hiccups.

mister Jarred Christopher has the hiccups... a lot. i'm sure he started this habit long before i could feel him jump inside me, but now it's pretty constant. at least once a day, but most days its about three times i feel the fluttery jump about every 5 seconds which lasts for about 5 to 10 minutes. i myself dislike having the hiccups, so i feel for peanut as he has them so frequently, must get quite irritating. but being the one who doesn't own an ultrasound machine to check on her little one constantly, it's a comfort to feel the jumping inside. it's like he's telling me that he's growing healthy and doing his best to make sure his body is prepared to face a world with air.

(the every annoying) braxton hicks contractions

when i experienced my first, i was frustrated at the idea of having a contraction so far from labor. i still had 19 weeks of pre-labor, why in the world would i be practicing NOW?! so me being me, i did some research and discovered something truly amazing! 

okay during labor, a woman gets to a point where she gets the urge to "push." (except for those who have the needle in their back, which i will go more into later) now, this "pushing" does not refer to the ever daily bowel movements one might have to work out. no, this "pushing" is using a muscle known only to a pregnant woman. in fact until pregnancy this muscle doesn't truly exist. the uterus, starting in about the sixth week of pregnancy, starts to contract and work out the thick balloon-like material. in the process of this work out (braxton hicks) the labor muscle is formed. as the pregnancy matures the contractions move closer to the top of the uterus, focusing the muscle there in preparation of the "pushing" i refered to. 

isn't that awesome! God created a woman's body, my body, to know exactly what to do, regardless of me being aware that it's doing so! and when we (women in labor) feel that urge to "push" we will innately know how to use this newly formed muscle to the best of it's abilities! i'm so baffled at the work of our Creator! 

waterbirth.

another discovery, though i've known about it since about the 12th week of pregnancy, i have done my research throughly in the past two weeks. this concept of birthing a child in a tub of water, is said to be one of the most relaxing and comforting birthing choices. i must admit i had my doubts, so i looked for the risk factors of waterbirths. there are only a few: mother getting water into her blood stream (very rare), baby's first breath being under the water (again, very rare due to the fact that the baby doesn't get the urge to take a breath until the umbilical cord touches air and at that point the babe is either in the arms of the doctor or the mother). those were the two of most concern. the pros to this process are very extensive and continue to grow the more popular it becomes. the idea of being in a warm bath (which relaxes me) having music and candles (more that relaxes me) and feeling more in control of my body (if i need to move to find comfort during labor, i can adjust my self and not rely on another person to help me move). 

 also, because i am baring a burrell son, we all know he will be a bath boy, so might as well bring him into this world in the place where his father, uncle, papa, and who knows how far back the "bath-boy-burrells" go. it only seems fit. (those who know my husband understand this. those who don't, well to enlighten you, my husband would take 3 baths a day, yes in the bath tub.)

at this point in time i have also done my research on pain meds one can take during labor to ease the discomfort of the process. but when i realized that some of these medications take away the actual process of birthing a child, the more i realize that i don't want them. now i do believe that i have mentioned this in previous blogs, the fact that i dislike pain and can be often refered to as "whimpy" (much to my dismay). but having a baby isn't like falling down, or braking a bone. it's the most amazing gift God has given to woman. the pregnancy as a whole, i want to experience it. yes even the pain of birth. i want to experience it. there will be no needle in my back to dull the pain. at the most i will have demerol drug to take the edge off. i want to experience the God given process of bringing my son into the world. 

i am discussing this with my doctor this coming tuesday. we will find out if this is in fact something that will be possible to do. at this point it is my first choice.

Oh, We're Half Way There, Oh Oh Livin On A Prayer!

tomorrow is 20 weeks. i can't believe the half way point is here. it's all down hill from here... and there is so much to do.

daniel and i are still living at my in-laws. we moved in last august only to stay for 3 or 4 months before moving into our first house. we had put in 3 offers on 3 different houses during november and december, and then we found out we were expecting. the wise thing would be to wait to move into a home and continue to save for a few months more. well here we are at my half way point in my pregnancy and we will begin to actively start looking for our first home come late next month. we hope to be in a home late may to late june. i will be 30 weeks pregnant on may 30th so the clock will be ticking... fast.

with buying a house and having a baby in only months, financially this will be very challenging for us as a young family. we have faith that God will provide, but it still leaves the feeling of concern and wonderment of how. 

at this point i would be happy in a one bedroom apartment, just to know where i will be bring my new son home to. it's an ache that i have right now. all of his new toys, clothes, and stuff is starting to form a pile in our little in-house apartment. i would love to have a nursery to start organizing them in and decorating in my nursery theme of choice.

this week has been the first that i have actually thought "okay, when do i get my body back??" I have been having the hardest time sleeping. not the action of falling asleep, no i can do that perfectly fine. it's the constant waking up because i'm sleeping wrong (or having to pee)

i woke up monday morning and was in so much pain because i slept on my shoulder wrong. well actually, my boppy body pillow had moved from under my head to under my shoulder causing me to lay in an odd way. i have tried so hard not to lay on that side, forming pillow walls to block me from rolling on my left side, but about once an hour i would wake up on that side in pain. i've got to find a way to avoid this and let my shoulder heal. i may opt to sleeping on the couch  for a few nights so to not roll over. 

and the constant hip pains are also very rude awaking that i'm very pregnant. 

my dear husband is doing so well handling a pregnant wife. he is taking the time to rub my hips and shoulders and back and feet. i can't complain about an un-empathetic husband, he's trying so hard to understand my highs and lows of pregnancy. he told me last night that he's having odd cravings too; was it spicy fries and cherry poptarts that he ate on the way home from walmart? not sure if that was the correct items, but it was out there. i laughed and told him that i think it was all him and not me rubbing off on him. either way, he's been amazing.

jarred and i are continuing to bond in a mommy and son way. i turned on my favorite amy grant hits cd and we danced and sang to it this morning. i always knew i would sing, "baby, baby" to my child, and i do! 

i need to be completely honest, when i found out that my little peanut was going to be a boy and not a girl, i was slightly disappointed. i think i had convinced myself that i would be able to mother a baby girl much better as i am one and would be able to understand her better. but a BOY? how can i relate to him as well? how can i be sure that i am doing all a mother can in raising a son? and then the "awwww, i can't decorate him with bows and dresses?!!" yeah, i was a little blue. which makes no since i know, i am so happy to be a mother and am so excited for either a boy or a girl. but it took a few days of the reality to set in and for me to start to get absolutely thrilled that i'm going to have a mommy's boy and that i know jarred christopher and i are going to have a bond like no other. i am so in love with my little son it's crazy. i love going into babysrus and target and looking at the little boy clothes and toys! it makes me so giddy and i wish i could get them all!

tomorrow will be a fun day of excitement, not only because it's my 20 weeks mark, but it's fun to think that i'll be celebrating it on the day that two of my best friends are getting married!! 

congrats josh and erin! may God bless your marriage! and make a honeymoon baby so my son can have a friend his age! ;)