Tummy Time

30 weeks today! 10 more to go. some days it feels like its gone by so fast and others, well yeah. 

I had a difficult start of the week when Jarred stopped moving. i noticed it last sunday night, that he wasn't as active when i laid down in bed like he usually is. and then the next day i was with my mom and sisters all day, but he wasn't moving. i didn't have the feeling that something dyer was going on, but it still worried me a bit. then tuesday morning he was still not being active, so i put in a few calls and emails to my doctor (who has still yet to return either by phone or email). as i was waiting to hear back from her that morning, it was like he woke up from a long nap. he started to move around a little more. not as much as before, but enough to ease my mind some. by that night he was his usual self, mister soccer man.

i have my next appointment this monday morning, and even though he is moving like usual now (A LOT) i still feel weird. why didn't i feel him for 2 days? was this a sign that something may be wrong? to ease my mind, i'm going to ask for an ultra sound on monday. i think seeing him will help me a lot! 

Daniel knows that i'm mentally struggling with wonder if Jarred's okay. he surprised me thursday night with an at home heart monitor! it's been so fun! my little Jarred isn't much of a fan as he kicks it away 95% of the time, but i can still find his heart beat and kicks and hiccups. its so comforting to know he is growing and moving the way he is suppose to.

i may have said this before, but it's certain that i am in full force nesting zone, with no where really to nest.  so i have decided to apply that energy to different projects that i can do while living in my in-law's home. 

i have so many magazines! i have ridded of a lot of them already, but they continue to pile. REAL SIMPLE is truly the best magazine out there. i can apply most of the facts and articles to my life. so i keep these little treasures stacked nice and neat by my bedside table so that if i have a random need that i recall seeing in the magazine, like say i can't get the iron stains off the bathtub, there is an article that addresses that (by the way, create a paste with baking soda let it sit for an hour or so and then scrub with a sponge and water, "tada!") 

so i went through all the magazines and tour out any and ever article that would be worth peering at again, and bought those lovely sheet protectors and a cute 3-ring notebook and now i've got myself a perfect go to REAL SIMPLE fact resource! 

along with great simple solutions and facts, the magazine has some awesome recipes! that even a guru like myself would be interested in trying out. so while going through the articles, i tore out the recipes as well. so the project i'm working on now (and loving) is making recipe cards. they are fun looking with bright colors and pictures (from the magazine) and i will have them laminated! it has already got me wanting to cook again (which has declined to basically nothing since we've moved into my in-laws)

this has been fun for me, and i keep thinking about other little projects to do. i want to work on something for the nursery, but i think i'll wait a little longer on that, since i don't know for certain whether we will have a nursery right away or not. 

all these projects and such are things i use to do when i was in high school and college. i love creating and making something new. the thing is i would always do this on the floor, my on my stomach, legs in the air kicking back and forth. it was my creative pose. well i've got a basket ball as a belly right now and don't think Jarred would appreciate me laying on him. 

so i am selfishly missing my own tummy time

What Is Sacrifice?

i was up most of the night last night with my unborn son. he was so active and would not settle down. i got so frustrated. all i wanted was to get some sleep!

there has been so many times during this pregnancy that i have been so overwhelmed with joy that i have a little one growing inside. i missed out on my previous two failed pregnancies to feel that movement and bonding with my child. and then there are times where in my selfishness, i get frustrated with sharing my body with someone else, with all the exhaustion, all the emotion, the stress. i let it engulf me and i find myself responding to people's questions of "how are you feeling" with "ready to have my body back" or "only [X amount] of weeks left!"

why do i insist on leaning on this corruption of selfishness?! it consumes me. i have even admitted (numerous times) that i am too selfish to be a mother. the sad part is, i'm so right.

i admire watching mothers and their children, sons in particular. that bond a mother and a son have is something to cherish and adore. she is his example of beauty, selflessness, love, friendship, provider. so many things that i that can't imagine someone looking towards me for those needs.

that's what "mommy" means. and in fewer terms it's so often narrowed down to: sacrifice.

this is my calling. i've known it since i was a young girl, to be a mother. to be called "mommy" to have a child reach up their arms to me and say, "hold me." to be this example of love and protection.

this is my calling to be like Christ; the truest form of sacrifice.

Little Eyes Are Watching

a quote from both of my parents that i heard most of my life being the oldest of 4 kids. this week though, i took that into much consideration. daniel and i have so many habits that need to change before little eyes starts to watch us! 

isn't said that after 8weeks it becomes habit...so we need to stop: eating in front of the tv for dinner, leaving dirty dishes in our bedroom, waiting 3 weeks to do laundry... and start: cleaning the bathroom on a regular basis, making sure the dirty clothes make it to the hamper, ... and so much more!!

i am 28 weeks yesterday, i feel like i am farther along for some reason. perhaps it's wishful thinking. i sorta freaked out when someone mentioned that i only have 12 weeks left. then sorta pouted. "really? that long?" i still have to wait 2 months plus to see my jarred's face and hold him in my arms, and see him stretch the way i feel him do in my uterus. i truly ache for that day so much!

those of you who are friends with me on facebook (which i assume is 99% of those who actually read this), you may have seen my post this morning. here is the story as it unfolded: 

I was wearing a new sun dress my mother so graciously bought me the day before, and was feeling pretty cute dressed up to go to a friend's wedding. I knew i would be seeing people that i hadn't for a while and was looking forward to them being excited for me. well, one of those encounters really bummed me out. she asked me when my due date was (and i hadn't been hesitant to answer this question up until this point). after i told her, her eyes got big and she said, "wow! you look like you could go into labor at any moment." of course in the moment i laughed and brushed it off, but i couldn't help that nagging little comment to settle on my shoulders and weigh me down for the remainder of the night. i went from feeling carefree and adorable, to gaining too much weight and wanting to go home and cry into my pillow. i kept telling myself that she didn't mean it the way i was taking it. i kept and kept and kept telling myself that, but i couldn't manage to shake the ugly feelings i was drenched with. 

i was reading in my "Pregnancy Countdown" book this morning and there was a paragraph that made me think and then made me laugh:

"Now you know how it feels to have your stomach the subject of constant comment by friends, coworkers and strangers. You're probably realizing that you may have said something to a pregnant woman in the past that made her feel badly or self-conscious. You didn't mean it, but unless you're pregnant you don't get how hurtful and tiring all the comments about your size can be. So even though some days it's a challenge, try to give others the benefit of the doubt, too."

HOW TO RESPOND TO COMMENTS WHEN YOUR HORMONES ARE RAGING:

Comment: "Wow, you're huge!"

Response: "Yep, I'm pregnant; what's your excuse?"

Comment: "Are you having twins?"

Response: "No, are you?"

Comment: "Are you due soon?"

Response: (look at your watch and then say) "Any second now."

so to those of you (i can think of a few just sitting here) that i have made a comment to when referring to the beauty of your pregnancy and it may have been taking (understandably) the wrong way: i sincerely apologize! i had no idea the emotions and thought process that you go through when pregnancy hits. i now understand and am making my picket signs to stand along side you in this fight against inconsiderate people. 

we are amazingly beautiful women who are experiencing life together and just as much individually and uniquely. I am proud to join this group of women and will do my best to hold my head high for the remainder of my 12 weeks of pregnancy and beyond!